Sometimes I Struggle

Written by my wife Joy.

Sometimes it's hard to see Your hand in my life. Sometimes I feel like You've abandoned me. I look for Your will... for a clear sense of direction but life is cloudy with mistakes and indecision.

Sometimes it's hard to hear Your voice. I'm struggling in the wilderness when I long to be on the mountaintop with You where the air is clear and Your Word fills my lungs with ease. Down here in the valley, I feel vulnerable to attacks and defenseless.

Sometimes I struggle with Your map. Just when I've followed a road that I'm sure is the right one, I question whether I've taken a wrong turn... again. Your paths are not easy to follow and are sometimes overgrown with thorns and thistles of the world and it is a challenge just to get to them. These are the roads less travelled. Sometimes the directions don't make sense and I know I have to trust that all the squiggly lines on my map are ordained by You, meticulously drawn by my Shepherd's hand... tailor made for me. This is what you tell me, but sometimes I struggle anyway.

Sometimes I turn away... I know the right thing to do and I can clearly see Your perfect will in choosing the right way, but I look the other direction and plunge ahead. I am a wayward sheep sometimes... bent on doing my own thing and straying out of reach of Your staff, intent on the patch of grass just beyond Your protected boundaries. This happens less often than it used to... but sometimes... I struggle.

You never struggle, Father. Your will is perfect and Your love never fails. You are the light shining in the darkness and You are gracious and long-suffering even when I turn away. Your staff is long and worn with unending love for prodigal sheep like me. I am simply a traveler passing through Your world and I thank You for Your Word to guide me when I lose my way and Your comforting Spirit to calm me when the squiggly lines on the map don't seem to make any sense.

Repent and believe before it's too late

Photo source: Map